I just want all the pain to go away…I’m tired of my life always turning into crap…

I just need a day…I just need to escape. I feel like everything is weighing down on me. Work, Money, Food. All seem to be problems right now. Especially money. Is it sad that I’ll buy 2 bags of chips just to eat for 1 day just so I’ll have gas in my car? I hate my job more than anything. It has its good days don’t get me wrong but man, I…am…exhausted. I’m crying just thinking about how exhausted I am. I act like I have it together but I really don’t. It’s like everything connected. I am exhausted and tired because of my job and I can’t quit my job because I need money and I need the money to pay for food, rent, and gas. I just need a break, Lord. Just give me a fucking break. I am to the point of a fucking nervous break down. I just want to sleep. And never be woken up. A peaceful dream for all eternity…

I miss dance…I think I miss it so much is because it allowed me to escape and at the same time allowed me to express my pain and all the things I was going through. Whenever I found a song I could relate to, I’d want to dance to it. Express to the world my hurt. Let them see it and realize it. My high school years are in no comparison to my college years. I’d hope it get better. And like always, there were tiny glimpses of good, yet as usual bad seemed to overwhelm it.

I want to tell someone. Tell the world. Tell anybody how bad I feel. How bad things had gotten for me. But I don’t think anyone would listen. They would think I would want there pity. I don’t. I just want realization. I want comfort. I want…happiness.

There’s been moments when I think to where I could’ve been happy. I don’t think I’ve ever been happy. Sure, there’s been times I’ve smiled, laughed, and had the best times of my life. But looking back on it, maybe I was content. In those moments, I was content with what was happening and liked it. But true happiness? That’s still a very far dot of light at the end of infinite tunnel…